"Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die." - Malachy McCourt (for other quotes on anger go here)
I think there are dueling accounts of how we are supposed to deal with anger. The first perspective sees anger as a vice that demands to be extinguished. The second is that anger must not be ignored and must be expressed in healthy ways. I think the problem is that anger is sometimes confused with resentment. While anger involves an emotional reaction, resentment is the unwillingness to let anger subside and forgive the offender. In that light, I want to say a few things about resentment.
I have often tried to change my thinking about an event while I'm angry. It is near impossible. Anger demands that the feelings be dealt with by our behavior. In order to avoid resentment there are a number of steps we can take. For example, I find praying for a person that you are angry at to be extremely useful because deep down it reminds me to love the other person. I simply cannot tell myself the facts about why I shouldn't resent and condemn a person. I need to put belief into action. Perhaps this is why Jesus said "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Luke 6:27-28
But why change? Why stop resenting someone who you may have spent a lifetime resenting? There are a myriad of reasons. But perhaps the most persuasive is that resentment does more harm to you than to them. We know this but we fear forgiveness will permit people to harm us again and we feel so safe buried in our resentment. But as we forgive, praying for those who harmed us and even doing good actions for them (if it is safe to do so), we actually walk into the light of joy and freedom. We may be hurt again but at least we avoid hurting ourselves.
God, I surrender my hatred to you. I pray that you bless those who have trampled on my spirit and have caused me so much pain. Shower them with blessings. Make them into a light for the world and a blessing to others. And forgive me for my unwillingness to forgive, when I have been forgiven so much. Amen.
Or the 4-word prayer: "Bless them, change me."
I will post later on how to deal with anger in more productive ways.
2 comments:
mate as always this is great. i love the way you are you on this page and so in love with God and wanting to grow. i read a lot of stuff that is academically interesting but dry and out of touch with the Healer. keep it up.
as an aside, was Jesus angry when he overthrew the temple? was David angry in qsam 17 when he killed lions/goliath [both bullys]. is there a time for the christian to be angry - often when facing bullies whose 'religion' will keep people from God. surely we SHOULD be taking violent action in these circumstances and NOT rationalising our behaviour to a bland love-thy-neighbour-at-all-times ethic? mtthew 11v12?
Thanks Rob! And thanks also for setting up my next blog which I will write tonight. I had to distinguish between resentment and anger here for that very reason.
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