Why Can’t I Get Better On My Own?

            The title of this blog reflects a thought that many people wrestle with when they enter therapy. The idea that they “need help” is distasteful, as if just by entering into a counselor’s office, they have given up their sanity. Suddenly, a person can feel a great deal of shame just because they have acknowledged that they have gotten stuck with a problem.

            In reality, needing help is just a normal part of life. There are three main reasons why we sometimes need help with our lives:

1) On our own, we try to solve new problems with old solutions. Being avoidant, passive-aggressive, self-critical, or irresponsible, to name a few, may have worked for us in the past, but it is not working for us now.

2) On our own, we are comfortable in our discomfort. We fear that making the change will be harder than staying the same.

3) On our own, we hate to admit when we’re wrong. Pride can creep in and make us think that we should have it all together all the time.

            The reality is that trying to get better on our own is sometimes the truly “insane” thing to try to do because we can often fail so miserably. Sometimes all we need is to seek out a listening ear with some wisdom to help us through. Other times it is more appropriate to get high-quality, professional help rather than letting untrained friends and family suggest what we ought to do. I hope that you learn to accept that we are all human and need help from time to time. Sometimes we just need to talk with someone who can help us see where things are going wrong and then support us as we stir up the courage to change.