Whether or not I am responsible for how my actions affect others is, for me, a big issue. I want to know whether I am to blame for how a person responds to my wrong. I'm not talking about emotionally harming others when a person has done nothing wrong, such as breaking up a relationship, but that is important to the discussion. I'm referring more precisely to whether we should consider ourselves responsible if we commit a small sin against another but that small sin has dire consequences.
Consider the following: I am trying to cut lust out of my life. I look lustfully at a woman then tell myself, "By looking at her in that way, I have turned her into an object." The act is made wrong by its outcome.
But does that mean that we are to judge our sins by the effect they have on others? For some, the temptation regarding looking at sin in their lives is to underestimate their effects. But for others, they choose to imaginatively maximize the possible effect their sin has on others, in order to punish themselves into submission.
I think doing this is rooted in narcissism. We want to believe we have profound effects on others. What we really need is neither minimizing nor maximizing but honest appraisal of what we have done. Rather than concerning ourselves with the effects of our actions, we ought to worry about our character. Does this action reflect the kind of character I want in my life? Will continuing to behave this way make me a better or worse person. This could seem more narcissistic than the last, but this is untrue. Narcissism insists on believing untruth about the self, including our effect on others. Humility knows who we are and deals with who we want to become.
So the next time you do something wrong. Don't worry so much about how it will be a bad witness to others, how catastrophic your actions were, or even how many tears you induced in other's eyes. Think about who you want to be and pursue that.
Showing posts with label self-reflection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-reflection. Show all posts
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Is My Education Making Me a Better Person?
If you count Kindergarten, I have been in school for 20 years. And since I still have four years ahead of me until I get my doctorate, I guess you can say that I'm a believer in education. But while I believe all this education will open up career options for me, I still have to question whether or not I am becoming a better person out of all this time in school. I regularly visit a blog by a psychologist who is a professor at Biblical Seminary and he wrote a personal apology for a statement he made in a class. One sentence captures the message well, "Seminary education can be rather dangerous."
As a student of both psychology and theology I can relate. I can often feel the pull towards smugness and pride whenever I get into a conversation on either topic and perhaps I should apologize to those who I have vainly given my opinion to as fact (and sometimes rather insensitively). Education can make you feel empowered and that can indeed be dangerous. I think it's good to be critical - to know your weaknesses - and that is no less true for ventures where you are pouring your time and money into. I must critically ask myself if my education is making me a better person.
I've noticed, paradoxically, that learning makes me both more open-minded and closed-minded. At times writing position papers, learning theory, or criticizing theology can make me choose sides and suddenly my views are the "right" views. But there are also times when I, as a result of my psychological training, can see that where a person is coming from is more important than what they are saying. I can see their side because I can sense their passion, pain, or fear about an issue. It can often depend on my mood whether or not I am close-minded with others and perhaps the work ahead of me is to better control my mood.
Beyond that, I believe that the trials of being evaluated and stretched have forced me to develop a better work ethic. While in college I could skate along with a mediocre work ethic, I find myself needing (and occasionally desiring) to work hard and become the best psychologist I can be. I also have learned how to balance my life with school, work, social events, and time to relax. And of course everything I learn about people in my classes I can apply to myself.
So, indeed I would say: yes, my education is making me a better person. But I know that it doesn't always do so. In the past two years I have managed to stave off burnout and hopelessness (for the most part). Perhaps that is because in those dark times where I feel so stressed out, I usually take a minute and see how this is all shaping me to become the person I want to be. If I did not have those times of renewal, and the people who encourage me on, I could easily become bitter and my education would be my downfall. Although I wish at times I could be in a steady 40 hour week and making money, I am thankful for the opportunity that has been set before me. God has brought me this far, he will lead me on.
As a student of both psychology and theology I can relate. I can often feel the pull towards smugness and pride whenever I get into a conversation on either topic and perhaps I should apologize to those who I have vainly given my opinion to as fact (and sometimes rather insensitively). Education can make you feel empowered and that can indeed be dangerous. I think it's good to be critical - to know your weaknesses - and that is no less true for ventures where you are pouring your time and money into. I must critically ask myself if my education is making me a better person.
I've noticed, paradoxically, that learning makes me both more open-minded and closed-minded. At times writing position papers, learning theory, or criticizing theology can make me choose sides and suddenly my views are the "right" views. But there are also times when I, as a result of my psychological training, can see that where a person is coming from is more important than what they are saying. I can see their side because I can sense their passion, pain, or fear about an issue. It can often depend on my mood whether or not I am close-minded with others and perhaps the work ahead of me is to better control my mood.
Beyond that, I believe that the trials of being evaluated and stretched have forced me to develop a better work ethic. While in college I could skate along with a mediocre work ethic, I find myself needing (and occasionally desiring) to work hard and become the best psychologist I can be. I also have learned how to balance my life with school, work, social events, and time to relax. And of course everything I learn about people in my classes I can apply to myself.
So, indeed I would say: yes, my education is making me a better person. But I know that it doesn't always do so. In the past two years I have managed to stave off burnout and hopelessness (for the most part). Perhaps that is because in those dark times where I feel so stressed out, I usually take a minute and see how this is all shaping me to become the person I want to be. If I did not have those times of renewal, and the people who encourage me on, I could easily become bitter and my education would be my downfall. Although I wish at times I could be in a steady 40 hour week and making money, I am thankful for the opportunity that has been set before me. God has brought me this far, he will lead me on.
Monday, January 08, 2007
What owns you?
I'm a channel flipper. As soon as a commercial comes on I'm gone to the next channel. I guess it shows my lack of patience. But sometimes I feel quite justified because I know the effect commercials can have on me. Ads make me feel like I'm missing out on something. I've gotten hyped over countless movies only to be disappointed that they weren't as life-changing as the trailer made it seem. I am completely convinced that advertisements provoke a sense of dissatisfaction within me.
Advertising was originally aimed (in the early 1800's) at making people feel uncivilized, unhygienic, and unsophisticated. As commercialism evolved so did the advertisements. While advertisements at first were meant to convince people that they needed to be clean and proper, they soon were clearly selling the abundant life itself. The quality of one's relationships could even be defined by what you bought: parents were bad if they did not provide everything they could for their children.
As a result we are left with a sense of self that is no longer rooted in tradition, family, character, or religion. We have entrusted our lives into the care of companies concerned about profit earnings.
I hate depressing messages. They don't motivate me to change or even be self-reflective. And so far that's what this has been. But it doesn't have to end that way. You can reappraise your life right now and better determine what is important to you. We all live in a world where we simply cannot avoid some materialism. And that certainly has not been all bad - with improved standards of living and financial security. But while we live in such a world we do not necessarily have to embrace it with open arms.
What areas in your life might you consider living without luxury?
What are the costs of doing so?
What are the benefits?
Final thought:
"The things you own, end up owning you."
Brad Pitt in Fight Club
Most of this has been provoked by my reading of Philip Cushman's Constructing the Self, Constructing America: A Cultural History of Psychotherapy. You have him to blame (or thank) for the guilt trip.
Advertising was originally aimed (in the early 1800's) at making people feel uncivilized, unhygienic, and unsophisticated. As commercialism evolved so did the advertisements. While advertisements at first were meant to convince people that they needed to be clean and proper, they soon were clearly selling the abundant life itself. The quality of one's relationships could even be defined by what you bought: parents were bad if they did not provide everything they could for their children.
As a result we are left with a sense of self that is no longer rooted in tradition, family, character, or religion. We have entrusted our lives into the care of companies concerned about profit earnings.
I hate depressing messages. They don't motivate me to change or even be self-reflective. And so far that's what this has been. But it doesn't have to end that way. You can reappraise your life right now and better determine what is important to you. We all live in a world where we simply cannot avoid some materialism. And that certainly has not been all bad - with improved standards of living and financial security. But while we live in such a world we do not necessarily have to embrace it with open arms.
What areas in your life might you consider living without luxury?
What are the costs of doing so?
What are the benefits?
Final thought:
"The things you own, end up owning you."
Brad Pitt in Fight Club
Most of this has been provoked by my reading of Philip Cushman's Constructing the Self, Constructing America: A Cultural History of Psychotherapy. You have him to blame (or thank) for the guilt trip.
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