All people
have emotions. Some people display them in the stereotypical manners, like
crying when sad, smiling when happy, and scowling when angry. In fact, nearly
all children will openly show these emotions. However, some people become adept
at either hiding their emotions or at covering up their emotions with other
reactions, such as smiling when they feel sad. These people often believe that
their emotions are illogical, immature, or embarrassing. So I want to spend
some time answering the question: are emotions good or bad?
In terms of
emotional pain, we all know that some emotions, like joy, are experienced as
“good” and that other emotions, like fear or disgust, are felt as “bad” or
unpleasant. There are times when we may wish we felt numb, rather than have the
pain of our emotions as companions. Yet, just because we find some emotions
unpleasant does not mean that they are not good or useful. Physical pain is
unpleasant but it nonetheless helps us pull our hand away from a hot stove. So,
is it possible that our emotions, even the unpleasant ones, may actually be
serving a purpose? I believe they do, or
at least that they are supposed to be serving a purpose.
The purpose
of emotions is two-fold; emotions allow us to communicate our needs and
emotions drive our actions. Expressing our emotions will generally help others
know how to interact with us. Expressing sadness will generally bring others
who will comfort us. Expressing anger will help keep others from taking
advantage of us. Without emotions, there is nothing drawing people toward one
another. I have never been concerned about how my computer feels.
Our
emotions also allow us to see what we enjoy and what we do not enjoy. Emotions
are the motivating force that keep us from apathy and that drive us to
accomplish our goals. The books of Psalms, Lamentations, and Job, as well as
the example we have in Jesus, who wept at the loss of his friend Lazarus, show
us that emotions serve a good purpose. Thoughts alone do not motivate our
behavior. If I think a bear will eat me, but do not fear being eaten alive, I
will not do anything to keep myself safe. Emotions accomplish what thoughts
alone cannot.
However,
problems with emotions can arise when our emotional reactions become
maladaptive or unhelpful. Feelings of hopelessness, rage, and despair are
reactions that may actually cause tremendous problems in our lives. In other
words, emotions that were meant to bring us life can sometimes break down and
lead us down dangerous paths. So, in light of this, I will be spending some
time discussing emotions and how to better understand them in the coming blog
posts. Many of these reflections are influenced by the book, “Working with
Emotions in Psychotherapy” by Leslie Greenberg and Sandra Pavio.
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