Primary and Secondary Emotions (Emotions Part 2 of 4)

            One way of understanding emotions is to differentiate between primary and secondary emotions. Primary emotions are the first reactions we have to a situation. For instance, if we are driving and another driver cuts us off in a dangerous manner, our primary emotion is fear. Secondary emotions are reactions to our own emotional and cognitive processes. So, if our initial feeling of fear in response to being cut off was unpleasant, we may start to get angry as a means of asserting our right to be able to drive without being cut-off, which helps restore our sense of control and lessens our fear.

            Generally, there is nothing to be done with primary emotions except acknowledge the feelings and allow yourself to experience them. Your primary emotions are basic reactions to a particular situation and are thus neither bad nor good (see previous blog). Primary emotions will generally dissipate fairly quickly if you accept them as they occur. Secondary emotions, on the other hand, require a little bit more cognitive processing to move past. You may get scared by a bad driver for a moment but rarely will you stay scared for a long period of time, although you may feel angry for a long while.

            You can become stuck with a secondary emotion because secondary emotions are built upon a sense of self that is in conflict with your true self. If you think that you are unable to be harmed, then a careless driver threatens that sense of self and the only way you can regain your belief in your own invincibility is to remain angry until you forget what happened. Or, using another example, if you feel that “real men don’t cry” then you may stay angry/grumpy until you get past whatever made you sad in the first place, which can take much longer than it would have if you had just expressed the sadness in the first place.

            To get past a secondary emotion, the task is to be able to identify what your primary emotion actually is and to understand why you chose to express your secondary emotion instead. The woman who feels depressed about herself after being passed by for a promotion may actually benefit from expressing anger that her boss has not recognized her excellent work, which she may have otherwise felt would have been prideful. This work of identifying your primary emotions and your self-concept can be a place where God’s grace can enter and show you how to love yourself as God loves you.