A selfish blog

Originally posted November 23rd, 2005.

What is the self? Are we bounded inside ourselves by our skin? Does the skin keep others out? Bear with me as I try and share my outlook and insight on the issue.

Apprenticeship is where a master bestows his knowledge and skills to a willing student. But it traditionally constituted more than that. Not only was the apprentice learning the trade, he was also beginning to live like his master. He would eat, sleep, and work the way that the master worked. He became just like his master. The way the master looked at life became the way that the apprentice looked at life. So appreticeship was about more than learning a given trade.

But we hardly look at education, and life in general, in these terms. We think that we can coast along and be unaffected by those around us. But anecdotes and research all suggest that we are strongly influenced by those around us: our parents when young, our teachers as we grow, and our peers as we encounter life. All along we are being shaped by those we have relationships with. I believe that our metaphors of who we are as a self are all wrong because the essence of others is entering us and we are entering others.

Now maybe I like the scandalous but I think sex is a good metaphor of relationship. We are entered into by another and though we are not overtaken by their presence, they leave themselves in us. Graphic I know. But my point is that we often look at others as if they will not affect us. In reality they have a philosophy of living that will be imprinted on us regardless of how hard we fight it. Or to put in more spiritual terms: our souls can touch each other.

In the practical sense this means that we ought to have around us those who have character that we esteem. We ought to avoid those who view life in terms that we do not agree with, particularly if they are funny, articulate, or sarcastic. We feel powerless to those types of people and sometimes don't know why. This is why the moral character of our leaders, teachers, friends, and coworkers does in fact matter.

But the prospect of impacting others through this permeability of self is promising. Simply by being around people we are changing them. Who we are will be bestowed on them without either of our consent. That is why the character of the psychologist one works with is important (which is why the issue came up for me in the first place). Part of my learning requires that I become psychologically healthy because it is in my wholeness others will find their wholeness. I find it absolutely amazing that I could have such an impact on the essence of another person just by relating with them. But it shall certainly prove to be a long and grueling, though hopefully satisfying, road as I try and fix the wrongs of my past. Hopefully those I encounter along the way will direct me to the path of happy destiny.


Based largely on:
Berger, K. Identity and Experience in the New Testament.
See me for the full reference